What kind of impression do you make on people? And if someone makes an impression on you, good or bad, do you pass that on?
The other day I had an essay returned in the course of my post-grad studies, and had been given a truly terrible grade. It was so bad I almost believed it was a joke. After exclaiming a few things other than 'Excellent!', I questioned my tutor's rationale for—as I saw it—leading me down a specific track and then marking me down for following that very advice. It seemed as though I had been double-crossed! She left the room, and left me feeling small, stupid and judged. So how did I behave? Small, stupid, and judging. I proceeded to allow things to come out of my potty mouth that would make Jesus frown.
The other day I had an essay returned in the course of my post-grad studies, and had been given a truly terrible grade. It was so bad I almost believed it was a joke. After exclaiming a few things other than 'Excellent!', I questioned my tutor's rationale for—as I saw it—leading me down a specific track and then marking me down for following that very advice. It seemed as though I had been double-crossed! She left the room, and left me feeling small, stupid and judged. So how did I behave? Small, stupid, and judging. I proceeded to allow things to come out of my potty mouth that would make Jesus frown.
Maybe she was wrong, or maybe I found the topic too boring to stick to the point. Either way, my crushing sense of injustice channelled into a verbal tirade was aimed at others so they would feel what I felt, and take it on for me. Down the chain it went – impression on impression.
Thankfully, people around me are big-hearted, so they stroked my arm and offered me chocolate, and the sting eased. The next day, now as tutor myself marking degree level coursework, I realise I am not small, stupid or thick, but I still feel sad about this whole episode.
A person making you feel things by behaving badly towards you probably feels those things themself, and the only way things will change is if you love them back.
Impression on impression?
A person making you feel things by behaving badly towards you probably feels those things themself, and the only way things will change is if you love them back.
Impression on impression?
{Today's Soundtrack: singing.}
2 comments:
I'm not sure a person can make you feel things.
Your feelings are your response to what happens.
This might seem like I'm just picking apart the way you have phrased your question at the end of your blog post, but that's not my aim. It is something I've thought alot about recently. It can be a bit painful examining our responses and accepting that our responses are mostly about who we are and where we've come from, when actually we just feel hurt and want to feel better. Having listened to your story about your teacher, I do believe you were a bit duped somehow, and it did sound like a dissapointment given your effort. My only purpose for leaving a comment here is to offer a thought, which I think has helped me lately. Blaming and feeling cross with the person who has 'made me feel' bad means it takes longer to feel better.
Maybe she never set out to be a teacher, it could be contempt on her part, but she can't make you feel something you don't want to feel. Xxx
Very good point. Perhaps I meant that but didn't say it so well.
I know in the past I have responded to someone's very manipulative behaviour without knowing what was going on, niaive to their game, so in that sense I am 'made to feel' a certain way.
But you are right, we take responsibility for how we behave and respond.
As another friend Liz said, 'finding a way to respond not react can be helpful'.
Thanks for thoughts. vg.
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