Things I've noticed

As I still don't have a computer, (if anyone's into praying please would they send one up that the insurance company stop trying to catch me out and just pay up - I know they're just doing their job but I'm no criminal and just need my tools back) posting to the lightbox is interrupted - you may have noticed. I thought I would leave you for a few days with some pictures I've taken in over the last couple of days. Simple, but seasonal.

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A window coated in condenstation, some little rivers of water making their way down the pane so you see a real thick fog, but are not sure whether it's still condensation or the winter weather outside; does the source of your confusion really lie where you thought?
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Satsumas: the little orange fruits remind me of a collection of people (segments) wrapped up together in a safe place. Hold it in your palm and wonder how it would feel if you were big enough to hold the world like that. Would it break your heart or melt you with compassion?
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Little flames on candles, always burning, always hopeful.
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Faces of friends sitting in the candlelight in my home, laughing at something ridiculous and eating food I've made, quiet looks towards each other that give away how important we each feel it is to be there together - but those glances are fleeting. Watch carefully...
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Here's to being confused, seeking the company of friends to keep you on track and loved up, and having a time of year that's designated to treasuring those very people. A happy and peaceful Christmas.

Square or Circle?

[In response to John's comment on the last post, about being mocked for still wanting to work on film]

Here's a thing to try.

Go down to Jessops and - just for kicks - ask for some medium format polaroid film. I did this recently. It's the only time I've ever felt like I've just spoken a foreign language fluently.

Bring on the counter-revolution! These people that are reeling out of control with gadgets and wires and batteries and chargers and photoshop and flash cards and external hard drives, jpeg and RAW and white balance and more megapixels than you, if they ditch out on film they're missing something fundamental about being alive, which is this:

At our heart we are not square like the pixel, we're round, like those delicious little light sensitive grains.

Pixels serve their purpose, I know this as much as the next guy (I've made my living for years through being great in Photoshop etc. and make healthy work across both film and digi) but pixels are still square, with hard edges and sharp corners. This whole issue about film or digital gets very tedious. I like to think that those who matter will judge on the quality of image you make, not the configuration of kit you're packing.


{Today's soundtrack: Sufjan Stevens - Come On Feel the Illinoise}

Liminal

In between things...

I never wanted to be so beholden to technology as to miss using my lightbox for a few days but that's just what's happening! When it's all running smoothly it's easy to take for granted. I guess this is a good sign though, that my little adventure in www is coming to mean quite a lot.

A friend emailed me this week encouraging me not to worry about losing kit, because being a photographer is a state of mind. I'm glad she said this, just when I was feeling insecure about not having all the gadgets, although I'm not sure I'll be having a go at the project of making a pinhole camera out of my a-hole. Thanks for that back to basics suggestion honey...

Today's horrible job was filling in the insurance claim, and collecting quotes from camera suppliers. They shall remain nameless, but in future guys-behind-counters, don't patronise me about wanting to still buy a film camera just because your employers are following the herds into digital. This ordeal is bad enough as it is, and you're meant to be on my side. Ok, enough.

Oh, and another thing, this week my excellent sister took me to see DJ Shadow play his instruments. He was incredible. I told him I loved him, and a few hundred people laughed but I think he heard me. It was a diamond of a night in amongst all the coal of late. Thanks G star, you rock like that Shadow genius *****

Mountains and Molehills

Today's picture is from a project I'm doing about South African street kids. This little acrobat lives in the utter horror of a beaten, raped and glue-doped street life, yet this is what he does with an open space and an ounce of permission to use it. I have this on my wall at home and sat staring at it yesterday in the midst of my own odd aftermath.

This week I've been trying really hard to get a grip. Despite last week's initial calm response to being robbed, the impact of having the tools of my expression stolen has hit like a demolition ball in the gut, and I have hurt a lot these past few days.

But I have really tried to keep perspective and look around me at what else is still going on in the world. My house hasn't blown down in a tornado, no one has been physically attacked, and I am now over the feeling of being scared in my own home at night.

Is it all relative? I don't think so.

It doesn't do to get into the game of competitive trauma—if something rocks you to your core it's still significant, whether personal bereavement or burning toast. That's not meant to sound trite, but just to suggest (having come up against some surprising issues this last week) that if your 'relative' molehill is feeling like a mountain then there's probably good reason. Give it the attention it needs, and get help doing so because other people can be great in helping you get the real measure of it. Don't be afraid to call everthing to account. If it does you in, okay, but don't let it go unquestioned.

Thank you to everyone who has been in touch and poured a lot of love in my direction over the last week—you're brilliant. The tears are slowly drying up and I think it's going to be okay. x


{Today's soundtrack: Stevie Wonder - anything you've got!}

oh no...

I've had all my camera gear nicked. It was stolen while I was shooting a wedding - cameras, laptop, films, phone, wallet, keys, the lot.

Today, the pictures I have are those in my head, and I am wondering if I will be able to write about what I saw for the couple whose wedding I was shooting at the time. Using my words alone, can I do any justice to the memory of that day for those people who made those vows in front of those friends?

For the couple concerned, I am utterly speechless - I don't think I can string a sentence together.

Furthermore, my little world was in that case, at least I thought. But it turns out that my world is actually more embedded in the essence of close friendships and loving kindness of family who have held me together over the last couple of days. Essence can't be stolen, not that easily.

I think this: there are two choices here - one, to freeze up and let this stop everything, or two, (which I prefer) to get straight into the darkroom and print up images that remind me why I do this in the first place. I'm praying that the heart of a desperate thief melts, but know the blessings are already happening elsewhere in the amazing community of people who have gathered around to help and see a postive outcome here.

All is not lost. What were my own words? Take heart, you have everything to gain.